Sunday, September 2, 2012

My World Changed Forever

June 27th, 2012 started out as any other day.
Mom had an appointment in the morning.
I had run an errand in the afternoon, and when returning home, Mom was so excited as she had just finished a conversation with  my cousin Sue.
I remember how much she enjoyed their conversation and how much delight it brought her.

Little did I know that 4 hours later my Mom would  collapse in front of me and my world would  change forever.

As you may or may not know, my Mom suffered with fibromyalgia for many years.
She chose to treat it without medication, using natural methods.
She did pretty well as the years went by, although I know she was in pain more than she would express.
She had great success with acupuncture in the last year.

A few days prior to her passing, she had some pain with one of her teeth. She went to the dentist and when returning from the appointment, complained of some pain in her jaw.
We didn’t think much of it as we thought it was from the dental work that had been done.

As the day progressed on that Wednesday, Mom started having more serious pain in her back, neck, shoulders and jaw.
I noticed that Mom had googled “heart attack symptoms” on her computer.
 I asked her if she was feeling any of the symptoms of a heart attack,  and she assured me that she felt like it was fibromyalgia....however,  my instincts were kicking in and I was becoming a bit more concerned.

I continued to rub her back, as I would  when she was having a fibro flair up....but I wasn’t at peace. I asked her again if we should go to the hospital to be on the safe side and she assured me that she felt this was fibromyalgia...so I had to take her at her word and trust that she knew what she was feeling.

I remember after rubbing her back and trying to bring her comfort..... Mom and I had a conversation about how much we love each other and how much each of us meant to each other. That wasn’t unusual. We would say those things to each other, many times a week.
It always went like this :  “ I don’t know what I would do without you”...and I would always respond with “ I don’t know what I would do without you, either”. But this time, I felt this incredible pain in my heart when we said it. I remember crying while we were talking,   feeling like something was going to happen. I didn’t really process it at the time, but when looking back....I found it to be so incredibly wildly intuitive.

I remember  calling our dear friend, Jane, asking  her to pray. I was still feeling uneasy. Jane prayed a beautiful prayer for Mom and then ended it with “ Lord, may she have the most peaceful sleep this evening, that she has ever had”.

Within a short amount of time, my Mom collapsed in front of me.
She called my name, and then collapsed.

I remember feeling like everything was in slow motion. I couldn’t find the phone and was panicking and praying to find the phone , and at the same time screaming at Mom to “ hang on”.
I found the phone within a few seconds, but I remember feeling like it was forever. I remember dialing 911, noticing that my hands were shaking so badly that I felt like I  was having to dial the number slower than usual, all the while keeping my eyes on Mom.

 All I could do was to hold her head up, hoping she wasn’t choking and telling her not to leave me. I know, that sounds so horrible when I think back on it. I wish I hadn’t said that. Who wants to pass with their daughter pleading with them to stay. I wish I had told her it was okay. But it wasn’t okay with me.  
Mom did seem to hear me, and I remember her looking at me like she was trying to stay.

I won’t go into the details, but it was very hard to watch my Mom for a few seconds.
By the time the emergency personnel  arrived, I do believe my Mom was home with the Lord.
I think the Lord had such mercy to take her so quickly. She maybe suffered for a moment, but not much. They worked on her for 40 minutes, but I knew she was already in heaven.

Our friend Jane arrived shortly after Mom collapsed, and all our neighbors gathered at our front door,  as we all watched in complete shock , as they were  trying to resuscitate Mom.
I remember seeing neighbors praying in our driveway,  and Jane had her arm wrapped around me.

When we ( Jane and I ) arrived at the hospital, Jody  met us there. She had arrived a bit earlier than we did. Mom’s Pastor’s had also met us when we walked into emergency.

Mom was pronounced deceased at 9:20 pm.
Cause of death, heart attack.
My Mom had completed her task here on earth. The Lord called her home.

One of my favorite photos of Andy, Mom and I. Photo taken  in the late 60's.



My Mom and I have a small army of women that we have known for years.
Several of these  women also attend Jody’s Crop at Scraptherapy.
We’ve known each other for at least 15 years....some of us a little longer.
They are our family.

Before I blinked an eye, these women arrived at the hospital to be with me. I will never forget it. We all sat in a room, on a gurney. Cried and hugged and cried some more.

This army of friends would become my backbone during this difficult time.
They have been there for me every step of the way.
They have held my hand, shopped for me,  cleaned, cooked, organized, packed and moved boxes and more boxes, made phone calls, attended appointments with me, helped me with paperwork and more paperwork,  hosted  a garage sale ( which is a big deal and lots of work in 90 + degree weather! ), stayed overnight with me... and on and on.
Unbelievable what these women have stepped up to do for me.
I'm sooooo grateful for them. ( "grateful" and "thank you" aren't big enough words to express my gratitude! )

That doesn’t include all the amazing friends and family that have stepped up to help me with their encouragement or financial assistance.

I want to thank all of you that have been so amazing to me during this time of my life. I’ve felt so loved and comforted by so many of you.
Between your comments on my facebook page ( Entirely Apropos ) , cards, calls, emails, delivering meals and on and on.....I am so blessed. Thank you. Thank you so very much.

I know my Mom is rejoicing in heaven as I believe somehow she can see what is happening and how much help and love  I am receiving.

I couldn’t close out this post without saying something about the Lord. He has been my rock through all of this....He has been there for me every step of the way, providing me with such amazing friends, family and miracles. .

I’m so grateful for so much.
I miss her every day, and I think of her a bazzilion times a day.... but I know where she is, and I know she is in heaven,  a better place. We will all be together again someday.  It’s just such a huge void for so many of us here.

Her memorial service was beautiful, I believe somehow that God allowed her to see the service, and I know she was shocked at the turn out and the love that people have for her.

To view the service, please click here: Barb Shelander’s Memorial Service.

I hope to be back on facebook in the near future. For now, I’m pressing through with an enormous amount of deadlines and responsibilities that need to be tended to.

Thank you all for reaching out to me the last couple of months. Means so much to me.
I love you all, and feel so loved and blessed to have you in my life.

Julie


This is a photo of Mom and Cinnamon ( Cinny ) .
We would walk  the dogs together. 
I sure do miss her in all those little moments. It's very odd to do things by myself again. 
We were two peas in a pod. 
I love you, Mom! You are forever in my heart.
I miss you so much. 


22 comments:

Cindy said...

Oh Julie..,that was beautiful and I am now crying. I love you!!!

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

I love you Cindy Girl! You've been such a loyal friend all these years....always been there for me through all these storms in life. I'm so grateful to have you in my life! xoxox

Fried Green Aprons said...

I love you Julie... I am so thankful you're in my life. This was absolutely beautiful and I'm bawling. What a wonderful, loving , inspirational , God loving friend you are, and I'm positive that your Mom and God are proud of who you are !

vintageshabbychicks said...

Hi Julie...I've followed you on FB and am so sorry about your precious Mom. I'm so glad you have the Lord and all your amazing friends to help you deal with this loss. You're in my prayers, Julie

Jil said...

I've also followed you on FB and am grieving with you. I just lost my Daddy one month ago - suddenly as well- he was misdiagnosed as having a tummy ache when it was full blown pnuemonia.
How wonderful that we both have Jesus to turn to. He will prop you up when you feel you can't go on. Trust in Him. Try to take care of yourself. Big Hugs

Rugrat floormats said...

Juliann I have tears rolling down my cheeks and a big lump in my throat. I feel you pain. Big hugs Juliann Boyle

pink*cherub*moon said...

Julie, I am so glad that you have been able to post your feelings and experience! I do think that it helps in the healing process. I know how much you miss your mom, as I miss mine. I could tell just from knowing you online, that the two of you were buddies, frick and frack! I think that is wonderful and something that you will cherish forever! That close bond is so special and such a blessing. Don't worry about asking your mom not to leave you - it only showed her how much she was loved. I know that she is smiling down upon you, and is so proud of you each and every day! Praying that your healing will continue, that your heart will find peace and that the sadness will turn to joy as you recall all of your wonderful adventures with your mom. Looking forward to seeing you online more when the time comes. Love ya, darlin! Thinking of you and praying for you every day. Hugs, Leena

Nyssa, Ink. said...

Oh Julie... yes, I was never the same again after suddenly losing my father. It does indeed change you forever. Thank you for sharing... you are SO loved and adored by so many and I am grateful you have felt that love during this time. Hugs from Oregon, Nyssa

The Mom said...

Julie, I was out of town when your dear Mom passed away. I tried to call you on a number that I had in my phone, but it was disconnected. I had also been watching your blog to see if you had posted again. You have been on my heart and in my prayers. I know that your loss is staggering and life-changing. I am praying for peace and for the strength to put one foot in front of the other. When you have time, I would love to take you to lunch, but I do not want to be a burden. Again, I have had you on my heart.
Blessings,
Kathy White

Shabby French Country Cottage Basement said...

Julie, I'm glad you are able to write about it now. That does help a lot. I was just thinking about you and went to your facebook page to leave you a message and saw this post. I cried as I read it. It is so hard to lose someone you love. The beauty of what some of your friends have shared on here brought tears to my eyes as well. pink*cherub*moon wrote such comforting words she made ME feel better! I look forward to you being back on facebook more and hope you find your new normal real soon.
Sincerely,
Ann

Tracey said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Julie. Your story is similar to my own experience when I lost my mom. Except it was over 20 years ago. I can tell you that many signs have appeared, over the years, that she is here with me. It sounds to me like you will have that as well. I hope you do because it will bring you comfort.My thoughts and prayers are with you! xo Tracey

P.j. said...

Dearest Julie, my heart has ached for you the past few weeks. I know it's been a hard time but you're blessed to have a wide circle of friends who care & want to help however we can. I think it will help to write about some of your memories, especially the happy & funny times you spent with your mama. I realize that time with my own mother is running short as she's growing more frail, so this is a reminder to treasure the days & hours we still have here on earth. It's comforting to know we'll all be reunited someday. Hugs~~~Pam

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you, Pam. I appreciate your sweet thoughts and words. I miss her so very much.
Yes, spend as much time with your Momma as you can.
It is very comforting to know we will all be reunited someday.
Hugs and appreciation, Julie xo

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you Tracey. I'm sorry about your Mom. I don't think we ever get over the loss of our Mother's. It's such a void.
I appreciate your kind words...they mean so much.
Appreciate the prayers too...
Hugs, Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you dear Ann. Appreciate your thoughtfulness and kind words.
I am looking forward to finding a "normal".
Thank you for missing me and I am looking forward to being back on facebook more often.
Take care of you!
Hugs, Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Awwww, thank you dear sweet Lynne. You always have the kindest encouraging words...so glad you are in my life!
xoxox - Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you vintageshabbychicks!
I don't know what I would do without my friends...they have been a miracle in my life. I am so glad I have the Lord too, don't know where I'd be without Him.
Thank you for your sweet kind thoughts....means so much to me! xoxo, Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jill. It is so hard to have something like that happen. I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for your encouragement...means so much.
Hugs, Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you my sweet Juliann.
Big hugs back to you my friend.
xoxox

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Leena, you always have such good words of wisdom and encouragement.
Thank you my dear friend...I appreciate you so very much. You are sunshine on a cloudy day...wherever you go.
Thank you for being here....you are the BEST!
Hugs and Love, Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Thank you dear Nyssa.
I am sorry about your Father passing suddenly. It sure takes some time to find your feet again, I must say.
I appreciate your kind loving words...they mean so much.
Hugs and more hugs! Julie

Julie Shelander - Entirely Apropos said...

Dear Sweet Kathy,
Thank you. You are so thoughtful. I so appreciate your kind words and love...means so much.
I hear there will be another get together for the dealers from Harpeth...hope to get to that one. Will you be there?
Also, you are welcome to click the contact me button above and send me an email...I'd be glad to give you my new number. Things are starting to move forward in my life....lots of changes.
It will never be the same without her, but I know God has good things for me...I have to just keep following Him.
Talk to me soon my friend! Would love to hear how your life is going.
Thanks again, your encouragement means so much to me.
Hugs and love, Julie